Hey everyone. Welcome back to BurbNChic! Today’s topic is one that comes from a personal place. Something I struggle with completely.
Let’s be clear about the rest of this post. MY reference towards “confrontation” is not in regard to Yelling at, belittling, or degrading someone. I am talking in simple terms. For example;
- Confronting someone who did not fulfill a service to your expectation
- Confronting someone about an incomplete task
- Confronting your significant other if they have a habit that you don’t care for
In my opinion, there are ONLY two types of people. Those that confront, and those that do not.
I do not. But am I envious of those who do? Nope. Ya know, I am not one to ripple the waters. I am guilty of talking a BIG GAME about how I am going to call someone out because of something they did and let them know how I feel… Thank you Steph (my sister) for taking every bitching phonecall. But I have made it a skill, and more of a rule in my mind, that if something or someone is still bothering me with something that happened or what someone said after 24 hours, THEN I can mention it. This is a new rule BTW and one that I chicken out on every time that 24 hours comes up and I am still reeling.
After years of people telling me..”YOU NEED TO SAY SOMETHING.” “YOU SHOULD STICK UP FOR YOURSELF.”……. Almost 90% of the time, I won’t. I would rather swallow it, than bring things up, and then have people tell me I’m “over-reacting.” Or worse, “You’re a bitch.” AH-HA! The double edge sword…and a completely different topic for another Talk Tuesday. The thing is, I am one of the most quick-witted people I know. Sometimes to a fault. When confrontation comes about, it can be quick and verbally deadly for me. Ask Kevin… But, if I do have a conversation with someone that has upset me in ANY WAY, I end up backing down and going with the flow, 98% of the time.
So here is my question? When you read that… are you shaking your head in agreement? Are you the same? Or, do you read that and think….”Not me, I tell people like it is.” It’s so funny to me because I come from a Super “no-bullshit” mother. I see myself in her when I confront my Xfinity person. THEN, I am confrontational… Haha! There is something about my wifi being down that makes me the most confrontational person EVER. But, aside from that…. I am just not.
So after beating myself up for years, and feeling like I could be getting so much more out of situations if I just spoke up, I have realized that THIS is my personality. I want to feel, approachable. I want others to feel like they can come to me with anything and not get a defensive response.
Again, when I talk about speaking up about things…. I am on such a small scale. But time and time again, I have had a close friend of mine tell me that I let thousands of little small moments build up to one GIANT explosion. Guilty as charged. I am the true definition of that “Water drip” analogy. Ya know the one about the leaky faucet? That is me!
So without going into too many personal experiences with confrontation… I leave you with these questions.
“Are you good with confrontation?”
“If you are not good with confrontation, do you have any confrontation rules for yourself?”
“ Do you believe that Confrontation is a skill, or a personality trait?”
Let me know. Let’s get this conversation going!